I remember a time in my teens when I was plagued by questions about my future. For the most part all these questions could be summed up in the question, “what do you want?” There are variations of this question. What do you want to do? What are you going to do? Where are you going in life? What do you see yourself doing in 5, 10, 20 years? But when you distil all these questions the basic question comes back to, “what do you want?”
I was disturbed by these questions because I had a superficial answer, but lacked a fundamental understanding of the who I was, what I wanted, and where I was going.
I had an idea of some of my wants. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to be rich. I wanted to be a man of God. I wanted to know that my life meant something.
At that time I did not have the wherewithal to even know I was asking myself the question at a much deeper level. Now I have a better understanding and I still ask the question, albeit with another 30 years of experience and struggle with the questions of my life.
I know now that I wanted to make a difference. To make an imprint on the events and situations that I engaged in is important to me. If I use a sports analogy I wanted to be a player who’s contributions had positive results in winning the game.
Nowadays, I am aware of a profound desire to experience deep and meaningful relationships. I have a few of these kinds of friends, and it is our mutual personal interactions that make life rich.
Thirdly, I am keenly attentive to a need for companionship. I desire to have people with whom I can share the joys and sorrows of life. I know many people and a large portion of these make life better.
I am going to write more about these longings and desires but for today it is enough.